


Lena's Diner

by Pedeka, writernotwaiting



Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: Gen, Northern Midwest USA
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-09
Updated: 2018-01-09
Packaged: 2019-03-02 14:43:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13320342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pedeka/pseuds/Pedeka, https://archiveofourown.org/users/writernotwaiting/pseuds/writernotwaiting
Summary: based on the Tumblr meme posted by monzo12782:"If Asgardians speak English but originate from Scandinavian folklore, then by all rights shouldn’t Thor, Loki, and company sound like they’re from Minnesota?"





	Lena's Diner

Lady one -- _[sits down at the booth and shovels a spoon of sugar in to her coffee along with two little creamers]_ I tink we talked about this, didn we? Lena’ll get ‘im some nice abelskivers and sausages. See? Dey set ‘im up a nice table in the corner–he’s such a nice boy. Thor just needs to settle down. That Loki, though, he’s a trouble maker and Lena'll give ‘im what for if he comes in here an’ don’t mind his manners.I think I spotted that scoundrel given the eye ta Lena’s girl; she better watch out, ‘cause that boy’s trouble. She’s already with the eyeliner and those clothes! What’s that girl thinkin’?

Lady two -- What are YOU thinkin’ dere? Marta is more than old enough to be settled down and have a family. Maybe that skirt that’s givin’ her frozen knees is a sign she’s eyeing a fish to land. Though it’ll be trouble if she’s tryin’ ta get that brother of Thor’s on the hook.

Lady one  -- Oh that boy’s a mighty slippery fish, that’s for sure. He’s got a string o’ broken hearts behind ‘im, and no wonder, he’s a looker fer sure. She best be lookin’ somewhere else, if she knows what’s good for ‘er. He’s not one to hang around just because a girl knows how to make a good hotdish. 

Lady two --Hotdish? Awww heck, I’ve never seen him put anyting inta himself besides sweets, coffee and liquor. If he’s not sittin in here being too high and mighty ta talk to the neighbors God gave him, he’s out sittin in that ice shack all alone, not catching any fish. Prolly fer the best doncha know, Heaven knows, he wouldn’t eat anything he caught.

Lady one  --Wasn’t he hangin’ around the church potluck last Sunday? I’m sure he was out back flirtin’ while his brother–such a nice boy–was inside helpin’ the pastor move the tables.

Lady two--A course he was! An Marta was serving there wasn’t she?

Lady one  --Right by the jello salad–and wearin’ clothes not fit for church, let me tell you.

Lady two --Tsk, she could be such a pretty girl too, doncha know.  
_[sigh]_  
I dunna how Lena puts up with it and all. Someone should talk to her about… Ohhhh , hey there now, lookit that. There she goes over ta da table with da coffee pot again. She’s gunna bankrupt Lena with those refills there.

Lady one  --Ya, dat’s for sure. Oh dear, look out the window! Ain’t that the sister? She’s got some nerve showin’ up like this after what she done.

Lady two -- Ahh Judas Priest, what is she dressed as? Ya know there, since her Father threw her outta the house and broke her poor mother’s heart, that girl has been actin’ like queen of the world. You’d think she’d been off in Europe or somethin’ rather than spendin’ two years at school in da Twin Cities.

Lady one  -- It’s a damn shame; she was always a smart girl, but she got so she just was never satisfied. An’ she dragged a whole bunch a good folks down with her. I heard she didn’t even go to school. Would you believe it? No. Odin packed her off to one of those “special schools for troubled youth”.  
_[makes big scare quotes with her fingers]_  
Can’t say I’ve ever approved of that man. And now just look at her, like she’s going to take over the place. 

Lady two -- Heavens to Betsy! She didn’t go ta school? Tsk. Oh hey then, look over there. No, don’t LOOK! Maybe Lena’s girl does have a brain in her head… she’s smilin’ at Thor now.

Lady one  -- Well I can’t say I approve of that, neither. She’s been stringin’ the younger one on for weeks now. She just better get her head on straight or she’ll not get one or t’ other.Oooooohhhh and lookee there if he isn’t comin’ in the side door. She’s done it now.

_[A spectator sits in a corner, dunking bits of Danish into cold coffee and letting them sink to the bottom of the cup, unable to leave because the show has just begun.]  
[With long strides, Loki approaches the table where his brother is sitting. He whispers something in the waitress’s ear. She blushes bright red and rushes off to the kitchen while Loki slides into the booth across from Thor.] _

Lady two -- There she goes, doncha know. What do you think he said?

Lady one  -- He sure did get her panties in a bunch, didn’t he?   
_[Loki takes an abelskiver from Thor’s plate and eats it veeerrrry slowly_ _while looking through the pass through to the kitchen.]_  
Oh jeeze! That boy. You can dress him up, but you can't take ‘im anywhere.   
_[Jumps three feet in the air at the sound of breaking glass outside.]_  
Barbara Jane! Call the police. Hela’s out ‘dere with a crowbar beatin’ on Thor’s new car!

Lady two -- That chunk of metal? In these temperatures?!   
_[Bangs on the window and shouts through it.]  
_ Hela! Girl! Put some gloves on! What are you thinking? Your hands’ll stick!

 _[Meanwhile, Loki laughs as Thor dashes out of the diner. Then he_ takes his brother’s empty plate in hand and slips into the kitchen, while everyone is looking outside.]  
_[Thor bellows like a cow, and Hela turns to wallop him with the crowbar]_

Lady one  -- Oh jeezus! Barbara! Better call the EMTs, too. Loki, be a dear and go help your brother–that sister of yours is cleanin’ his clock! Tsk. Good ting he’s wearin’ a red shirt, you know, ‘cause that blood’ll stain.

Lady two -- Hun, that boy’s done run off somewhere already.   
_[Winces while looking out the window.]  
_ Oooooh that’s gunna leave a mark there.

 _[A shout comes from the kitchen.]_  
 Marta  -- No! You’ll have ta wait!! I won’t put ableskivers in the deep fry! You want that kinda nonsense you just drive out ta Tim Horton's in Brainerd. Prolly get your fancy coffee there too! Get OUT!!"  
_[Loki backs out through the swinging doors from the kitchen back in to the diner, hands up, huge smirk on his face.}_

Lady one  -- All righty then, I guess Marta’s got more sense ‘n I gave ‘er credit for.   
_[Takes another sip of coffee and looks back out window.]  
_ Now who’s that bald guy gettin’ out o’ that van? He’s a big boy. Are those tattoos on his head?

Lady two --Dats KARL, fer Pete’s sake! You useda watch him after school, til his mom got back from the cannery. He shaved ‘is head and things he’s one o dem wrestlers or somethin’. Wants people ta call him by some stupid name. He still ain’t got the sense God gave a mule.  
_[Bangs on the window again.]  
_ KARL! Putta hat on!

Lady one  --Oooooohhhh, sure. What’s he doin’ hangin’ out with Hela? His poor mom, she’d be so disappointed. All dat hard work fer nothin’.

Lady two--It’s not fer nothin’ The good Lord knows that she tried. An dey DID just buy one o’ the lake cottages at Muller’s Resort. Dats somethin’.Oh hey dere, Loki. Boy! You git out dare an git yer sister offa yer brother! Lena and hers don’t need this kinda mess in the parking lot. Go on! Get.

 _[Loki sighs from a few feet away.]_  
Loki  --It’s not really any a my business what dey do. But if it’s a bother….   
_[He opens the door and yells out.]_ Knock it off den! Yer scarin’ da ladies in here,  doncha know?  
_[He slides back into the booth he came from after giving the ladies a_ _brief sarcastic bow]_

Lady one  --Oh yah, I seen pictures–they’re gonna retire out dere.   
_[Rolls her eyes at Loki.]  
_ Oh look, dere’s the sirens. It’s about time Steve got here. What ‘cha tink he’ll do there? She don’t look like she’s slowin’ down none. tsk. It’s a good ting dere mother’s not here to see this. She’d give ‘em what for, I tell you. She didn put up with no crap like dis.

Loki  -- _[Calls out in a sing song voice]_ Ooh Marrrrr- ta. How’s it comin’?

 _[Marta storms out of the kitchen and shakes her finger in Loki’s face.]  
_ Marta  --  It’s not comin’ nowhere you bastard. I’m not losin’ my job over your skinny, two-timing little ass. I’m done!

Lady two -- Well, Frigga dinna put up wit it, nope. But Odin… he’s got a blind spot fer Thor don’t he now? No pun intended.

 _[Loki graces Marta with a brilliant smile at her tirade, then laughs.]  
_ Loki  -- Now hun,... darling, really? Yer not gonna lose yer job for doin’ me a little favor, doncha know? Yer Ma owns the place. An.. I can’t two-time you. Haven’t made ya mine yet, have I? Hmmm?

Lady one --Lookit now, dere’s a bit of a crowd out dere; somman’s gonna get hurt.   
_[Winces.]  
_ Oh, that’s no good; she’s gone an’ clipped Steve’s car. Those lights are expensive. Loki, hun, you could at least get your brother an ice pack, doncha think? You kin do yer flirtin’ some other time. What would yer mother say?

Loki  --‘Scuse me, Marta dear.  
_[Loki sighs in exasperation and gets up again. His eyes roll as he walks past the ladies’ booth.]_  
Yes, ma’am.  
_[He walks calmly through the chaos, grabs Karl’s ear and pulls him back to the van, opens the door and shoves the large man inside. Then he throws a set of keys to Thor.]_  
Loki -- Get yerself home before you get arrested… again. Don’t be bleedin’ on my seats and fill da tank. I’ll get a ride later.   
_[As he walks back to the diner, he stops, looks at Steve, points at Hela_ _and speaks flatly.]  
_ She started it. Are we done now den? I’m busy. _[Loki walks past the ladies' booth again hands up as if to say are you happy now?]_

Lady one  --Now den, was that so hard? I knew ya wouldna leave yer brother hangin’ like that. Yer not so bad.  
_[Loki rolls his eyes and sits back down at his table]_  
So den, are ya comin’ over ta play cards dis week? We’re meetin’ at Barbara Jane’s dis time.  
_[A car doors slam outside as a sheriff puts Hela in the back and drives off.]_

Lady two --Prolly. If da girls don’t need me at home. I gotta get runnin soon, doncha know. It’s fish fry night at the Lodge and heaven knows I need ta get dere before Lloyd has a bright idea and tries ta put creamed corn in da hush puppies again. Yer people comin’ down fer fish later? Selma’s bringin’ her Ma’s cole slaw. She always brings too much…

 _[At the other booth Marta looks at Loki with wide, awe filled eyes.]_  
Marta  -- So den..ummm… ya need a ride home then, huh? I’ve got my brother’s Jeep today. It can handle the backroads pretty well… if ya want….. well… ya, I’ll jes get yer aebleskivers den, huh?   
_[She blushes and scurries off to the kitchen as Loki leans back pleased with himself and takes a sip of his cooling coffee.]_

Loki -- Ya. You betcha, hun.

Lady one  --Oh sure, I promised ta bring a macaroni salad. Sam is gonna come give me a ride don’cha know? He won’t come inta the house on account a the cats, but he’s not so bad.   
_[Stands up, leaves cash for the coffee on the table, and walks past Loki’s booth on her way to the door.]_  
Loki, hun, do me a favor, make sure ya put a jacket on it if you’re not gonna give ‘er a ring, ok love?   
_[Pats him on the shoulder and walks out.]_  
See ya later!

 


End file.
